How to Mend Your Broken Heart

October 26, 2022 ~ Xo Love- Love Lessons to Blessings ~ Leave a comment

We’ve all had our hearts broken. I had to learn that a new man can’t put it together for me and that it was vital that I took the time to put it back together myself. I spent a lot of time alone, writing down my thoughts, listening to music and I spent a lot of time finding myself again. I allowed myself to detox my mind and heart and cleanse it from the hurt. I hung out with friends who brought up my spirits and spent a lot of time venting to those I could confide in, who got exhausted from hearing me talk about my break up. All those worked for me. I knew for myself that it would be selfish of me and unfair to the next man I date to bring him into a situation where I was unstable and not ready to love him the way I needed to love him for it to work. I spent a lot of time reading, writing, praying, going to the gym, and taking care of myself first. I was trying to regain the love I had lost for myself while I was in a relationship. I re-evaluated the relationship and accepted what I no longer could change and accepted the things that were no longer in my control. I made a list of things I can improve on for my next relationship and I worked on improving myself. Learning from my past mistakes and allowing my experience to make me better rather than break me made me a stronger, wiser woman. I can say it wasn’t easy but I knew that there was no point in being unhappy and allowing it to bring me down. God gave me the strength to pull through and get over it. I never gave up on love because I knew that whatever I had to deal with and what I went through was only to make me stronger and better for the next. Here are a few things that helped me to mend my broken heart.

Take The Time to Heal

After a break-up it takes time for us to get back on our feet and accept that the relationship ended and to really move on. You may feel rejected, shocked, hurt and just broken. Your whole world has been flipped upside down and now the person who you have loved and depended on to make you happy has taken your heart and crushed it to a million pieces. Take the time to cry (really cry!), vent to a friend, write down your feelings. Let it all out. Sometimes even re-evaluating the choices that were made from beginning to end will help you accept what went wrong, realizing that actions made may not have been in your control. You want to express and release all the emotions that the break-up has fueled inside of you. Keeping all of it in and tucked away behind your heart will only make things difficult in the end. It would be unfair for the next man to feel the fury of your ex and it’s only fair to give the next person the same and equal chance and opportunity to love you like you gave to the last. Accept that whatever event took place happened for a reason. Take the time to do the things you once used to love and make you happy before this man came into your life. Spend time with those who make you happy and smile and use the time to repair your heart. It doesn’t happen right away but time heals all wounds, It really does. Listen to your break-up tunes and just cry it out. Accept that if it was meant to be, your heart wouldn’t be broken right now. Let all the emotions out and try to see the positive in the situation and that now you’re stronger and wiser and now you have the opportunity to give your heart to someone more deserving of it. I learned that it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.

Realize Your Self-Worth

He cheated on you, that’s why you’re walking away.. He hit you and you know you deserve better, that’s why you’re walking away. He didn’t want to commit.. That’s why you’re walking away. Whatever the reason, stick to your decision and choice to leave the relationship and realize that you are worthy of better. When he’s not treating you the way you deserve, won’t commit or can’t give you the time, know that you are worth more than that and there is a man out there who is willing to give you what you deserve. The love, respect, and commitment. Have your best interest at heart first. Start doing things to regain your self esteem and don’t let a man bring you down. The relationship might not have worked but it doesn’t make you a worse friend, mother, daughter or sister. There are other people in your life that love you and value you, starting with yourself. Knowing that I was worthy of so much more than what I was fighting for helped me realize that the break-up only motivated me to do better and want more from a man than to cut myself short and settle for less than what I deserve.

Accept and Forgive

In order to gain closure on a break-up you need to find it in your heart to forgive. This is one of the hardest steps for me but the easiest in a way. Forgetting the hurt will be hard but the first step is accepting the end and forgiving the other person for the faults. Maybe you weren’t perfect either, but moving on and forgiving them is the only way you can add closure to the situation and move on. Harboring all that hate and anger inside will only grow heavy on your heart and make it harder for you to open up and move on to the next person.

You don’t want to enter a new relationship as a broken woman. It’s unfair for the new partner and it will only create more problems as the relationship progresses. It’s unfair to yourself. You will only begin to numb yourself to any pain that may come your way and it won’t affect you emotionally because your heart is already broken. Pick up the pieces and leave all the old baggage in the past.

Take the time to heal your broken heart, accept the mistakes you’ve made in the last relationship and do better in the next. Carrying pain from relationship to relationship will only make things difficult for you and for anyone who is trying to love you. Take the time to repair your heart and put the pieces back together so that it’s whole when you are ready to give it to the next person. Nobody wants to date a broken woman. It’s emotionally draining for you and the next man and may only push him away. He deserves the same love and equal chance to show you love that you gave the last man.

xo ❤

Love Lesson: Ask and You Shall Receive

March 2, 2015December 11, 2018 ~ Xo Love- Love Lessons to Blessings ~ Leave a comment

Most woman know by now the type of man they want and the man they don’t want. The bible says “Ask and ye shall receive” so why settle? We want to be with someone that we know that’s compatible with our personalities and someone who has the same dreams and goals that we want to achieve in the future. Accepting someone just cause will only hold you back and prevent you from reaching your maximum potential of the woman you want to be. Common interests, future goals, and stability in all aspects of their life and qualities that add to you and not take from you is what you deserve and want for yourself. Does he make you a better person or just bring down your self-esteem? Is he ambitious? Does he support you in all areas of your life? When you know what you want and know your self worth, settling is not an option. When you don’t know yourself and don’t have high value for yourself others won’t value you as well. Some men find a weak woman to anchor their emotions to and use them for their own personal gain because they are weak themselves. Know his intentions and if he doesn’t bring to the table what you expect in a man then find someone who will. Know the qualities that are most important to you and keep an open mind of the ones that you can be flexible with. He might be a god-fearing man who’s respectful and loving and has the same goals and common interests as you but may not have a degree or is over 6 feet. Know the qualities that you can work with but accept the qualities that you also can’t change but are unconditional. Make your list and pray and ask God to bless you with this man in your life. Believe me, ask and you shall receive. God can be removing the man you don’t need to make room for the one he has for you. There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want, making a list, and speak it into existence. God has someone special for you.

Xo ❤

Two Can Play at That Game

February 10, 2015April 14, 2016 ~ Xo Love- Love Lessons to Blessings ~ Leave a comment

There’s nothing more stressful and aggravating when starting a new relationship than getting involved with a man who plays nothing but games. It leaves you confused and puzzled and can have you questioning your every action. This can get extremely exhausting and at the end of the day no one has time for games. If he likes you and genuinely wants to take things to the next level with you, things wouldn’t be so complicated and it’s as easy as being direct and him putting in the conscious effort. Don’t ignore the warning signs of a true game player.

Pattern of Inconsistency

When you are investing your time and effort into someone you deserve the same in return. When he starts to show inconsistency, you know the games are only beginning. When facts don’t match up, like his age, where he works and just inconsistent information is given, it’s questionable all together and making you think twice about what his true intentions are. Not calling when he says he will, standing you up or canceling dates, leaving your read text messages without a response are all signs of lack of interest or perhaps maybe now he’s lost interest and doesn’t want to pursue you anymore or someone else can possibly have his attention. Some me want you to feel fortunate to receive a call, text or even spend time with them which shouldn’t be the case. When a man is interested in you, he respects and values your time and will do anything to show you he is far more than interested in you. Being honest about himself and who he is shows that he wants you to know who he really is and not who you want him to be only to impress you momentarily. There’s no reason to deal with inconsistencies, especially early on in a relationship. It takes a minute or two to respond to a text and if you are somebody he thinks about daily, he wouldn’t hesitate to show you that he cares and that he can’t stop thinking about you.

You’re the Only One Doing All the Chasing

Men are hunters by nature, and the worst thing you want to do is make it easy for them. Let him chase you! Men value whatever they work hard for. Let him be the first to call you, text you, invite you out for dinner. Let him make the moves. If you find yourself putting more effort into it more than him, there might be a slight chance that maybe he’s not that into it as you are and why should he bother to put forth any effort if you’re not allowing him to. After the first few dates you should establish the parameters of the relationship and know where it is going. Don’t turn into a “yes girl” by making yourself available to him whenever he wants, blow up his phone with texts with no respond, showing up at his house or work just to see him when he hasn’t even returned your call in 2 days… You’re doing too much and you’re only making your self seem desperate. Let him know you have a life too and he should be the one pursuing you and chasing you. Believe me, there is a woman out there he’s putting effort towards. While your sitting there chasing him, he’s chasing who he really wants and once that fails, he will be back playing even more games with you. Move on to the next because nobody has time to chase down a man who doesn’t want to caught. You’re the prize, not him.

Types of Men that Play Games

The typical man that plays games are men who are insecure, may have low self esteem, aren’t stable and men who aren’t ready to commit. Most men use mind games to manipulate you and to gain control of the situation because it’s the only way they can keep you interested. Some might only like the attention you give them and like how you boost their ego and the way you make them feel but they may have no intentions of ever letting it go further than that. Another type of man would be a man who is already committed, in a relationship or married and who may be lacking the affection and attention they are missing in their current relationship and are just looking for someone to entertain them and fill that missing void. There are men out there who value woman and are more than happy to give you what you deserve and show you the consistency and attention you deserve from a true relationship.

Don’t entertain his games and if he isn’t putting forth the effort you desire, he’s not the one for you. At the end of the day, two really can play at that game, only if you decided to play the game with him. If he really wants to pursue you on a serious, respectful level and is interested in you, there will be no games. He will be consistent with his actions, open about his past and true to who he really is. He will work on making you apart of his future. Let him play his game with someone else and show him that you are above and beyond all that.

Xo ❤

Every Lesson is a Blessing

February 3, 2015February 12, 2015 ~ Xo Love- Love Lessons to Blessings ~ Leave a comment

They didn’t lie when they said life is a class and each day is a lesson. Relationships and love seemed to always be the hardest and most roughest lesson out of all of them. Over the years the dating game has really allowed me to go through and deal with a lot of situations and lessons in order to make me the strong woman I am today. I’ve loved and lost, had my heart broken, have broken others hearts, been cheated on, and fell out of love. At times, the road was rough and rocky and when it came to making the right choices it was hard. When you’re in love you tend to listen more to your heart and not your head, allowing you to go through trials and tribulations that could have easily been avoided, had you known better. The best way I learned from my mistakes was to go through it and experience it for myself… and perhaps maybe even hear a little wisdom from others along the way. If you know better, you do better. Once I knew better and experienced it for myself, I avoided making the same mistakes. It’s apart of your self growth. If my life experiences and lessons can help someone make better choices when they feel lost or if my lessons can help someone avoid going through what I’ve gone through, then I would be grateful. Love isn’t always easy, but it’s not meant to be hard either. Love wasn’t meant to hurt you, embarrass you, humiliate you, weaken you, reject you, or abandon you. Love comes from within first and I had to learn to love myself better and have faith in God. Once you learn to love you first, you will learn to make better choices for yourself and your life. Some lessons make us stronger, wiser and smarter. At the time when we are going through them, we may feel lost and not understand the situation. Having faith in God truly helped me. I know now that if God can allow you to go through it, he will take you through it. God leaves some of his toughest battles for his strongest soldiers only for us to survive and tell our stories. Weather to help others or even for us to appreciate and learn from the struggle. I know that from my lesson learned were many blessing earned. It’s just a test and it may seem impossible at times, but you will get through it.